Day Two
Pips, silently judging my bedrotting behavior.
I recently realized that I haven't really shown what Pips looks like on any social media platform. Not that I have a platform to post it to anymore. I deactivated my social media accounts - aside from Facebook, that is. I can't even forget my own password atp. Billion-dollar company, my ass, when I can't even use its basic features. Fucking hell.
Anyway, back to the main topic. Topic?!
Today is the 3rd day I'm off my medication, again. I feel like this isn't going smoothly for me anymore. I'll have to bring this up with my Psychiatrist during our session next year. There could be other ways I can handle my depression. I actually discovered one. And it's what I've done during the pandemic. It's not to interact with other people anymore. The solace it gives me when I don't have to feign my harmlessness or naivety. I hate it when I have to simplify my thoughts just so I can sound relatable to them. Lysh, you gotta remember the three c's your psychiatrist gave you. Yet, but, so. I do appreciate their thoughts once in a while, since they've entertained me long enough just to stay in that moment. Those fleeting moments, how hurt I am when it's over. Oop. Gotta remember the c. I gotta appreciate that it still happened to me. That these people were happy enough to interact with me. And in a way, I understood them. They understood me. And that's what matters right now.
Today is the 3rd day I'm off my medication, again. I feel like this isn't going smoothly for me anymore. I'll have to bring this up with my Psychiatrist during our session next year. There could be other ways I can handle my depression. I actually discovered one. And it's what I've done during the pandemic. It's not to interact with other people anymore. The solace it gives me when I don't have to feign my harmlessness or naivety. I hate it when I have to simplify my thoughts just so I can sound relatable to them. Lysh, you gotta remember the three c's your psychiatrist gave you. Yet, but, so. I do appreciate their thoughts once in a while, since they've entertained me long enough just to stay in that moment. Those fleeting moments, how hurt I am when it's over. Oop. Gotta remember the c. I gotta appreciate that it still happened to me. That these people were happy enough to interact with me. And in a way, I understood them. They understood me. And that's what matters right now.
Again, I'm getting off topic. I was supposed to talk about my dream. It's weird how I'm having these dreams again.
It's about the time spent with KMC. I remember that I worked as a part-timer there, and I was aware that I was dreaming because I know that I've uninstalled WhatsApp and Sprout on all of my devices. Just imagining it was enough to send my heart racing, mentally and physically, I feel. The palpitations I get whenever I don't file or log in that day still cause tremors in my body. I had to scour all my emails to check if I was truly a part-timer again. Then I had to count my hours logged per day. I think it contributes to the fear and anxiety I've experienced during my time with Mutzi.
Then I remember finding a certain series that I was planning to read with Shannen. Then out of nowhere, Ate Thea was there. She brought her car and told me she was on the way to work, and I could catch a ride with her. She dropped me off at the nearest National Bookstore - there I searched for a series, I vaguely remember its title. I think it starts with an S? I can't remember entirely. My mind is thinking of Seirra because of the character I've been reading about. The clerks helped me for a bit, they asked me if the author was either Jonaxx or someone of the like. I had a gut feeling that they wouldn't be a Pop Fiction author because it was a series. Then I saw Jonaxx's series, it had a similar feel to it, but it wasn't it. This went on for a couple of minutes before my heart went into overdrive again, and I would have to clock in at 12 noon. I thanked the clerks and went out of my merry way. I ran up to Ate Thea's car, then told her I'll be stopping over at a nearby cafe to clock in.
Then there was a quaint cafe? Again with the cafes. What is my subconscious trying to tell me at this point? Yesterday's dream was also at a cafe. This cafe had a special feature where you can get a strip of film then you can take a picture with it. Its function is kinda out of the norm. So, you get a strip of film and use a flash to
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