Laundry, and Mornings

I woke up from a dream about being back at IMC. 

I know, not your usual type of dream. 

    But still. It was like around eighth grade. Being friends with the popular kids felt like a dream come true. Well, acknowledging my existence would be called the peak of my high school years. I could understand why people had this people-pleasing attitude back in IMC. We were so affixed with being the best, the prettiest, and having the best hangouts. This was the case for my formative years. 

    We had P.E. class at the end of the day with ma'am Vienna. Our room was situated in the old Radon room, just beside the old Science lab. We just came from the mezzanine, by we meaning me and my other classmates. I had a feeling that I was in a dream because I felt like I was hyper-aware of my surroundings and how I shouldn't be there in the first place. I remember seeing Leonard, Leona, Francine, and Nicole again. 

    When classes started, I remember sitting at my old desk. Second row, second desk. I was in between Brian and someone else that I can't quite recall. Ma'am V was discussing how the other year levels were done with their dance performances a while ago, and the second years had Tinikling. This explains the abundance of students who had green Filipinanas everywhere.  Which is why we would be doing our take on Carinosa. All of my classmates groaned out loud like they were so over it. Ma'am V also had a surprise announcement: we were supposed to dance at the end of an event later that day. No one had a Carinosa in hand, but for some reason, I had one in my old royal purple Jansport bag. It was my old and only Carinosa I used throughout highschool. 

No, not the Carinosa made out of curtain fabrics. 

    I abhor the idea of wearing that again. I know I had that because it was much cheaper to buy the material and have a seamstress make it. Plus, my grandmother had a friend that gave her discounts when we had our clothes sewn. Not to insult my past, but to showcase how much I've grown over the years. Back then, I had to endure hand-me-downs from my mother's clothes or gave in to my grandmother's fashion because it was also relatively cheaper. I had to eat salt at times! Imagine that. I sacrificed my studies and went to public schools so I can ease the burden of being poor. I applied for scholarships, for Pete's sake! 

    On a side note, fuck you, pa. I still hate you to this day. You know how other people would tell me that I should forgive my father since he still is technically my father. Oh, I beg to differ, Mamser. You don't know that you're enabling a system wherein fathers don't hold accountability for their actions regarding their children. Like, it's not supposed to happen that way. I have my right. It's not like I asked for them to fuck and create me, diba? It's also that easy to off myself at this moment. You know what? I really should kill myself one of these days. I don't know what I'm living for anymore. Day by day, it looks the same. 

YET, BUT, SO!

    Back to my dream, I was prepared to change at our restrooms. But then, they were all occupied. So, some of the girls decided to use the old Science lab since the students there had already gone home an hour ago. It was just the janitors who were lounging around the third floor. I went there with my other classmates to change as well. I remember changing near the small window of the door where people could see you. I thought, with my mentality of a 22-year-old, that it wasn't as bad anymore when other people look at you change. You just learn to accept it. I remember my other classmates were asking me questions about how I wasn't so conservative. I was like, "Eh, it's okay." But then suddenly, there was a janitor who had bulging eyes and brown skin who was staring at me. Like he was staring at my soul. I'd imagine that if he stared long enough, he would have x-ray vision and would see through my clothes. So, I clutched my clothes tighter around myself a bit more and moved away from the window. Okay, you creep. I wouldn't want to get caught in a situation where I'm openly sexually harassed by people. I've had enough of that during my trip to Paranaque. Thank you very much. 

    Moving on from my dream, we went up towards the multi-purpose hall since that's where events usually happen. Instead from the ground floor. It changed when I was in seventh grade. So my other friends, like Jhulia, wouldn't know or see it yet. We formed a line, albeit imperfectly, we still went up together. To our surprise, there were still students around the area. Starting from the stairwell until the stage. The program was still ongoing. We specifically remember that we were supposed to be the only ones using the area. Then we asked some of the students. I remember that I asked an elementary kid what were they doing up there. They answered me, "Because we have graduation practice today!" Okay, the kids didn't seem happy when they told me that, but you get the point. We asked someone to find Ma'am Vienna and tell her that we weren't going to perform anytime today. So, while we were waiting, we enjoyed loitering around the area like there was some kind of Students' Day. xD

And that's about it for my dream.

Moving on, there was also one more thing that happened today. 

    I talked to my Ate Jean! God, no words can describe how much I missed her being a part of my life. This happened because I was scrolling through Facebook, and I saw her post about her birthday wishes. I immediately went to my brother and asked him if it was really Ate Jean's birthday yesterday. He confirmed it by showing his calendar of events. And her birthday was on the 31st of January. So, I was really late. I messaged her, "Belated happy birthday, ate! And congratulations po!" with a couple of emojis, and stuff. I saw her icon immediately after my message, indicating that she has seen the convo. I additionally put, "Miss you, ate" with a UWU emoji. She immediately replied thanks and told me that she was going back to the Philippines for 3 months or so. And that she cut ties with kuya, which was unsurprising because I already know that they didn't talk anymore. Kuya told me that he cut off Ate Jean because of some profound reasons. Ate Jean then asked me if I wanted to call. So I said, "Sure!" The moment I answered the call, I screamed her name. She laughed at me. "How can you still be the same? Parang hindi ka tumatanda." To which I replied that I missed her dearly, and her voice changed. She told me that her accent when speaking in English now was a bit softer than her Filipino now. Like she became a sweet and innocent girl when conversing in English, but in Filipino, you know that she has this craziness that couldn't be replicated by anyone. She opened up about how she cut off ties with my brother because he was being toxic toward her mental health. We also talked about how my entire relationship could be counted as an engagement stage in a relationship already. She was really happy that I turned out to be a great person. And that's a bit uplifting. Like she was extroverted enough to not get bored of me. Not like my other friends. It's like I was cherished once again like a person should and deserves. It was a breath of fresh air talking to Ate Jean. She was fine enough to carry the conversation and she wasn't that tired by the end of our call. I'm really glad that she was still open to other people in her life. We were able to catch up because of that. 

 There was also another thing.

My phone died!

I ended up annihilating it in the process. Welp. Goodbye, Pocophone F1. I'll miss you. We had a good run together. You were there through my tears and selfies. My ML to COD plays. Wait, how the fuck am I going to keep track of my fucking period now. HAHAHAHHA.