Concept of Love

   Over the past two years, I have been accustomed to talking with Lemuel for almost an entire day. Hearing his voice the first thing in the morning, him accompanying me whenever I have errands, the snidey remarks at every movie or series we watch, him teasing me relentlessly when I go all soft on him, the last person I say my good nights. It's routine that gets me - even though sometimes I roll my eyes at how annoying repetitiveness is. But it's the schedule that I got used to. Especially since he started his OJT ahead of me. I have all this time alone with my thoughts. This is the same thing I seldom crave whenever I get overwhelmed by being in a relationship. It's weird. Probably it's the duality of man that's in the works. 

    I remember pre-pandemic times, I would cry and cling to Lemuel after a long hard day at uni. He made my life a bit more bearable. I find myself longing for the times we'd spend hugging or kissing. I miss his jokes. If I'd spend my entire life with him, I wouldn't bat an eye if it would correspond to every second of every day. I'd willingly say yes over and over. I would put him first and foremost. He is my person. And I am his forever and more. He gives me the assurance and comfort of a tame crackling fire near rainy windows. I work out my flaws again and again. I put my best foot forward intending to keep him with me. I don't know if my greatest fear is eating me out. The idea of being alone once again. There's nothing wrong with that. However, I would still yearn for the company of other people and the comfort that they don't really mind me being annoying or that I'm being really weird. The thing with Lemuel is that I'm not forcing him to appreciate me. He wholly appreciates me of his own volition. And I love him in spite of his flaws or principles that I don't really bode well with. I turn into a better person when I'm with him. I don't know if this is some kind of self-serving love wherein I only check the benefits of his personality in relation to mine. But not really, I guess. I'm not so sure anymore. The type of love I wholly know is something akin to my mother's, brother's, and grandmother's love. It results for my own benefit or for my well-being. That's how I know they love me unconditionally. The kind of love that I would do for them is to give them physical touches and make small efforts in showing how amazing they are as a person. Because they deserve to be appreciated. They'll know that I'm with them every step of the way.