07/18/18

Ever since I was born, I was already discontented with my life. You can obviously see my despair from my loud wails. Everything has been an elaborate plan to rid me out of the system.

Alone.
That's what it feels like.

For so long, I still cling onto that.

That sadness.
That despair.
That longing.

It just never goes away.

Even when I'm happy and smiling amongst people, the sadness is still there.

It prevails my entire soul.

These emotions are blatantly minuscule compared to other people, I know.

But how can I stop these feelings?

People don't have the things I possess. People have it worse than I do. People just don't know what to do with their lives anymore.

So, why is it that I'm deeply affected by these thoughts?

I try so hard to forget them.


Discontentment. Disappointment.

My thoughts are precarious, even myself, can't comprehend what I'm currently thinking. It's frustrating to live in a body that's full of contradictions.


If you were to compare my experience to other people, you would say what I dealt with was mild in contrast to theirs. I know. I know it. I know how petty these feelings are.

The pain is something what my mind just made up.

The agony is just something I created.

And it's all my fault.

Why is it that my existence is a contradiction to what society believes in? Fuck. This sounds ghastly and petty.

How can I say that when there are a lot of people inspired by me? People, who admire me? People, that love me?

I reckon that my mind cannot be easily be swayed by these uplifting feelings.

I've hidden away in the dark.

People say I'm strong. I'm humble. Inspiring.

Why is it that those words fall flat to my ears?

Comparing myself to other people, I'm worthless. Ha.

I don't hold a candle to them.

Besides, it's okay to succumb to atrocious thoughts like this.

If you didn't, how would you appreciate happiness?