Dream

 I just had a dream. A dream wherein it doesn't make sense at first. It was a normal dream just like anything else. I had dreamt of my pesky in-laws. For some reason, pokwang was my in-law and she was bitching with her eldest daughter. They were talking about her love life wasn't going in the right places. I remember I was with my college classmates at that time, when they knew about my in-law being in a bad mood, they all went out of the room. Milktea was there too. We were going to see if he can follow us to the basement. It was a large basement. The dream lingered on for a while.

Afterward, my dream shifted to Lola. I was out with her. She wore her favorite blue floral dress. For a while, we were the only ones walking. We just came out from Jollibee as we were hungry from the long trip. We had just finished voting from our precint. I was talking about non-sensical things while holding her arm. She was listening to me. Then the dream continued on. We were walking home already, I followed her slow gait then there was a tricycle passing by. I saw they were in a predicament. The woman at the back was asked to move to the front, and the guy at the back ride was also asked to do the same. The guy was peculiar because he had slanted eyes and he was balding. I told Lola that we should get on that tricycle if we want to get home earlier. She agreed then we walked upwards for a bit. We were the ones seated at the back ride. On the way home, I saw a grey-haired old man. He looked Chinese. I remember locking eyes with him then he rode at the side of the tricycle. We locked eyes again. Then he mouthed something to me. I thought to myself, "Me?" and his expression was like, "Sino pa ba?"

While that whole ordeal happened, our tricycle was stuck in traffic. So, the driver decided to take a little detour. He used an eskinita to get through the main road. The road was rocky and full of patches, there was also a funeral happening at the same time. The tricycle was able to evade the people so easily. However, there was one man who had his back to the road, he didn't have a t-shirt and he was smoking. Then I remembered the driver making a harsh turn to the right. Then Lola and I got off. I remember telling lola, "Dapat kasi hindi nandun yung lalaki. Nakatalikod siya sa mga dadaan. Hindi niya ba napansin na umalis na yung tao sa paligid niya. Tapos siya na lang natira." A full-blown rant. Now that I'm awake from my dream, I realize that I could say that same thing to lola if she was still alive. Yet, I know that it isn't right. I sound like an asshole. Anyways, back to the dream. I was still holding on to Lola's arm as we walked, then suddenly Tito Yoyong was there. He was also talking to lola. "Tingnan mo yung apo mo, sinisisi yung mga bagay sa ibang tao. Hindi talaga 'yan pinalaki nang tama ni Alice. Dapat hindi ganiyan yung ugali niya." And something else along those lines. Then we left him alone. We went on ahead. Then I ranted again to Lola about hearing that. I said to her, "Hindi niya rin naman ako masisisi. Ganiyan talaga kapag ilang taon wala yung mga magulang mo ih. Siya nga, hindi niya rin pinalaki masyado sila Shannen. Sino ba naman siya para magsalita. Hindi niya naman ako pinapakain nun." There were tears rolling down my cheeks continuously before it reached the pavement as if there was a drizzle on our path. I heard Lola telling me, "Hayaan mo na lang yun, nak." In the voice that I can still clearly remember. She always told me that line whenever I was irked with something. So I didn't answer her anymore. I just kept on weeping beside her. 

The path we took was really unfamiliar. The stairs went on. Then the brick pavement turned into white plastic or was it marble? Anyways, it was weird since there was a puddle of water building up at the end of the staircase. I didn't mind it at all. There were other people too. They were lounging around. I told Lola that we should keep going up. And she followed suit. That went on for a couple of minutes. Climbing the 'white hill' to get home. I was getting tired of walking, so I checked my surroundings again. There were people floating in the small puddle at the end. Then I saw a person on my left zoom past me. Then I looked at the top. There was a girl getting on a ride or she was getting ready to go down. It clicked instantly. I held onto Lola tightly and screamed. "'La, hawak ka lang sa akin!" 

My heart was racing and I was scared for Lola. She slid down the path we took a while ago. We were going at a rapid pace. My brain was getting frazzled as I thought that Lola would get into an accident because I wasn't looking at my surroundings. I held onto her for dear life, and I used my arm to somehow stop or slow us before we collide with another person. My skin felt like it was burning as it went down the slide. The sides of the slide were getting hotter and hotter. We were almost at the bottom, then I felt that we would be safer then. But I was wrong. There was a couple at the end, and we were at their tails. I was getting ready to brace for the impact. Yet, my feet moved on their own. It stretched out and did the same as my other arm. It burned too. We zoomed by the couple safely. Then we reached the end. We were at the small puddle, and lola was floating. I immediately checked if she was okay. But she smiled at me and then laughed. The kind of laugh where she would squint her eyes and I would see her incomplete set of teeth. It made her look younger and sillier. She laughed for a while before I joined her. You gotta admit. It was pretty terrifying back there. And my walls came down as I laughed along with her. I felt at ease now. The sun was just setting at her back. The orange rays shined behind her, and it was one of the most ethereal things I've seen in a while. She was smiling at me as I stared at her. Then I told her, "'La, uwi na tayo. Pagabi na." She continued to smile at me. Then she shook her head softly, two times. She smiled all the way. As if she said, "Hindi pwede, nak." I was confused by that expression. So I was going to ask her what she meant by that. And at that moment, I woke up from my dream. Tears welling up in my eyes. I thought to myself, as I was trying to distinguish what was a dream and what was the reality, "Ah, kaya pala hindi pwede. Kasi wala ka na dito, la."